Fighting his losing battle
by Ann aspiring writer
Summary: My take on Rhett's thoughts after leaving Scarlett and finishing such an important chapter in his life. But is it really over?


Hello everyone! I decided to continue explore Rhett's thoughts after leaving Scarlett. How about his infamous quote, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"? Does he really mean it? Is it too late? This is my take on it.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

As I'm finally turning my back on this grotesque building that used to be my house, I can't help feeling that I'm also leaving behind me all that once belonged to it or took place in it. Making my way through the fog that clothes the streets of Atlanta with its mysterious shades of grey, heading for the station, I feel like Ulysses when he managed to break free from the spell of Calypso and escape from Ogygia.

Just like him, I'm now running away from my nymph, the sorceress who unconsciously made me fall under her spell, with her emerald green eyes and long, black lashes. No, it is unfair to reduce her to a common Southern Belle. I knew, from the first moment I laid eyes on her, that she wasn't just a mere Georgia peach, willing to marry conveniently and fall into oblivion. Of course, she had always wanted to be a lady, but I guess a series of relevant events convinced us both that she wasn't on the verge of becoming one. Actually, as far from it as possible.

I can't help but feel the unwanted smile that creeps on my lips. As I said to her in the library, I don't hold that against her. Ladies never held any charm for me. Or at least not the hypocritical, pompous and pretentious ones like India Wilkes. But now I know that this isn't always the case. There are, among them, true and great ladies that really deserve to be called thus. Mrs Melanie Wilkes was the only one I've ever known – always fighting other people's battles, trusting of those she loved, modest and supportive.

I can see clearly that I'm starting to value such qualities more than I did before. It's like an impassable distance between the old me and the new me. Of course, I could always see the vices and wrong in people. But I was more than willing to put up with it, I wanted to indulge in pleasures that only came with a price. I felt the need to laugh at the Old South, with its dreams of victory and gallant gentlemen. Hardly did I know that you cannot defy society for ever. I used to say that with enough courage you can deal without a reputation. I realized how wrong I was when respectable families did not want Bonnie among them because she was the daughter of two black sheep, forever shocking the Old Guard.

It's not that I despise how I had lived for so long, believing myself smarter than them all for not letting them guide me. It's not that I didn't have my kind of honor, that I didn't fought for the Cause in the end, however late I may have been, that I didn't take part in my losing battles after all. But I want more now. I want to find out if there is a place in America or in the world out there where I can find peace, charm and grace, where I can fit in without a scandalous reputation, where I can come to terms with these 12 years I spent coping with my unrequited love.

Scarlett O'Hara... how I tried once to forget you, then to prove you that I'm not one of your naive beaux begging for one of those charming smiles of yours. But I guess I was. Except that I was begging for more than a smile, I was constantly praying for a sign, however faint, that you may love me, that you may be more that "fond of me". And that you may have gotten that stupid Ashley Wilkes out of your mind. I wish I hadn't loved you for so long. It sounds cruel and sadistic after your teary confession this morning... but you had made me so miserable. I knew from the first moment that you are remarkable. Beautiful, spirited, precious and terribly amusing with your volcanic temper and questioning sense of morals. During the war I understood how strong you are, and it made me love you even more. You struggled with life itself and I like to think that you have won – I hope you won't ever back down.

My selfish little cat, so strong-willed and stubborn, I believe you will get over my giving up on you. You probably won't understand it, as you had never completely understood anything I had done, but I know that somehow you will find in that untamable soul of yours a gleam of strength that will pull you through. You are so much tougher than I am, Scarlett. I used to love you for it. And I think I still do. Because I know that, any day, a month, a year, ten years from now, you will be doing what you know best – survive.

Nonetheless, I don't know if I will be next to you, watching you making your way through life, with your passion for living. No one could ever take your place, even though it's questionable whether that place exists any more in my heart.

What I'm trying to do now is figure this out.


End file.
